Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
