why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
My vagina is officially offended.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Randomize
