We're like a lot better than the average bears
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
