my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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