That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
