I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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