And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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