Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
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