On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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