just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
