i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
