what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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