this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
