shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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