I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
