For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
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