remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
It's Friday. Sex?
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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