mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
