Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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