So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
