Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
