Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
My underwear smells like fireworks.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
