All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
This is the high leading the old right now
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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