I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
