I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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