Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Randomize
