i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
