Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
