it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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