yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
