the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
