my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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