He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize
