dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
He better not be in your backpack
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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