hell yes lets make some ravioli
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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