Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
