yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
