He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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