similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
