i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
We left an ass print on the piano.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
