I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
