WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
