I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
