Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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