The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
