please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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