i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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