i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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