man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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