How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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