The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Randomize
