how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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