let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
