I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
